Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Arse Bomber

Once upon a time, there was  "the shoe bomber". A drooling comedy halfwit type who failed to set fire to his shoe, causing worldwide terror.

In response to this, another drooling idiot and a man mainly famous for lying set fire to the wrong bit of the middle east, killing millions of people who'd never set fire to any shoes or anything.

One of the few people left alive threw his shoe at the idiot. Again it failed to explode.

In a display of spectacular ineptitude, two men attempted to set fire to themselves and a concrete airport building, succeeding in the first part of their aim.

This prompted an immortal letter to a well known national newspaper, which started "Sir, I can't help thinking that if baggage handlers at Glasgow Airport spent less time punching burning terrorists and more time handling baggage then my luggage and I ......."

Hot in the news at the moment is "the underpants bomber".

I see the hand of the Carry-On team in all this. What next? Will Osama "Bin" Laden actually turn out to be the dastardly Khazi of Kalabar?

But best of all so far are the efforts of "the Arse Bomber".

glorious, glorious terrorism

Behold this heroic young gentleman martyr. He stuffed his own rectum with grenades and some sort of timing device, then surrendered to the Saudi anti-terrorist forces and asked to meet Prince Nayef, who is in charge of the counter terrorist effort on the peninsular.

I think I see a problem here. Can you imagine what it would be like if Prince Charles were in charge of MI5? Or, God forbid, either of our other two princes?

The prince was reported to have been 'surprised' when his interlocutor exploded from the waist down. This is understated irony at its best. England salutes you, Prince Nayef.

Unfortunately, of course, one can't actually get that much TNT up one's arse, and the body is a fair blast shield. The poor sap succeeded only in blowing his own legs off. No one else present was hurt.

But can you imagine the mess? I hope they patch these fellows up before they hand them over to the virgins.

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